I'd lie
by Alice745458
Summary: Lily will never tell anyone how she really feels about him. Kind of angsty.
1. Chapter 1

Lily and Scorpius

Lily's POV

I watch as he gets in the car, slamming the door as hard as he can. I sigh, because I know I'm the one who will walk out there and talk to him.

Sure enough when he doesn't show any sign of coming back, I walk out, barefoot, no jacket, in the middle of winter to ask him what's wrong.

And just because he's so _ohsobeautiful _in my eyes, just because Rose will never love him the way I can. But I'll never say that.

**I don't think that passenger seat has ever looked this good to me**

**He tells me about his night**

**And I count the colors in his eyes**

**He'll never fall in love he swears**

**As he runs his fingers through his hair**

**I'm laughing cause I hope he's wrong**

I listen as he jokes about never falling in love.

"It's a pain, it's difficult" he complains, then he winces, "It hurts" I smile and pat his arm.

"I know" I say because this _nevergonnafall, ohsobeautiful, totallybreathtaking _boy is hurting me every time I see him.

I say it because it's what he wants to hear.

I say it because I know everything about him and yet he still doesn't see.

**I don't think it ever crossed his mind**

**He tells a joke I fake a smile**

**But I know all his favorite songs**

**And I could tell you**

**His favorite color's green**

**He likes to argue**

**Born on the seventeenth**

**His sisters beautiful**

**He has his father's eyes**

**And if you asked me if I love him**

**I'd lie**

I look up as his sister taps on the glass of this old truck.

She's breathtaking, so obviously beautiful that it hurts.

"Rose wants to talk to you" she says and his _justsoamazing _face turns defiant.

"Who says I want to talk to her" he demands. She looks at him in boredom. "You decided to date her" she says.

He sighs "I'll be there in a minute."

She walks away and after mentally preparing himself, he flashes me a smile and walks away.

* * *

Now its summer time and he's come to spend the night with Al. But of course Rose comes along and ruins everything. When he finally comes down for dinner, his eyes sweep through the room, but he doesn't even notice me. He overlooks the fact that I like him in the _morethanlike _way.

Walking around to my side of the table, he ruffles my hair before sitting down across from Albus. I'm the only one who notices the tension wired through him, just underneath the skin. I'm the only one who knows him that well.

Later that night I hear him talking with my brother. "It's simple Al I stay with Rose because she knows something that I don't want anyone to know" Al scoffs saying, "blackmail's illegal you know."

Scorpius sighs. "Yea Al, I know."

At about midnight, I get up for a glass of water and hear him crying where he thinks no one can hear. His parents are getting divorced, and I know he's just so sick of all the fighting. But he would never let anyone know that he cries over it, which means I'll never tell anyone.

Of course I never let anyone see me daydreaming over him so maybe that makes me a bit more sympathetic.

**He looks around the room**

**Innocently overlooks the truth**

**Shouldn't a light go on**

**Doesn't he know**

**That I've had him memorized**

**For so long**

**He sees everything black and white**

**Never let nobody see him cry**

**I don't let nobody**

**See me wishing he was mine**

And really, I could tell you everything about him. His favorite color, favorite song, his birthday, his favorite subject, what he likes to do in his spare time, but nobody ever asks me.

**And I could tell you**

**His favorite color's green**

**He likes to argue**

**Born on the seventeenth**

**His sisters beautiful**

**He has his father's eyes**

**And if you asked me if I love him**

**I'd lie**

* * *

I watch him walk out of the great hall after lunch and glance at my note. While waiting a couple minutes I think about what would happen if I told him how I felt. If only I could-.

I cut myself off. 'Ifs' are bad things. 'Ifs' let you hope, and hope hurts almost as much as love.

I make my way to the room of requirement and what meets me there has me shocked because I thought I knew all there was to know.

Scorpius has a guitar. And I smile when he tells me no one else knows, because it's just another thing no one else knows about him, one more thing I get to keep all to myself.

* * *

Later I see him get mad at Rose because he cheated on him. He can see through any lie. If only he could see through my heart.

* * *

I wake up the next day and my heart aches. So I put on that little bit of make-up and pray to any god out there for a miracle, pray for just one day of luck.

**He stands there then walks away**

**My god if I could only say**

**I'm holding every breath for you**

**He'd never tell you**

**But he can play guitar**

**I think he can see through**

**Anything but my heart**

**First thought when I wake up**

**Is my god he's beautiful**

**So I put on my make-up**

**And pray for a miracle**

Almost every day we argue, and almost every day we apologize and go back to being friends. In some ways were too alike. We like to argue too much. And every little tiff chips off one more piece of my heart. But I always come back the next day and say "why do you like green, it's the color of jealousy, it's the color of Slytherin, and its ugly!" But I love the color green. I love it because Scorpius loves it.

* * *

His sister is still gorgeous, but in my opinion she doesn't hold a candle next to him. And I loathe his father, but I'm so glad Scorpius is his son because I can't imagine him without those beautiful gray eyes. But I'd never admit that, ever.

**Yes I could tell you**

**His favorite color's green**

**He likes to argue**

**Oh and it kills me**

**His sister's beautiful**

**He has his father's eyes**

**And if you asked me if I love him**

**If you asked me if I love him**

**I'd lie**


	2. Chapter 2

Time to wake up

Must every day be like this? Always fighting, always at each other's throats? Would it ever end? I know I don't make it any easier. I never admit I'm wrong, it's just the way I am. He should know that.

Sitting beside my friends I search the room for him. That's what I do. I search. I feel lost in this school. If I could find what I was really looking for, I'd take it and run. I'd be gone like a bullet. I wish these people would just let me go. I'm not what they want me to be. I'm tired of searching, tired of looking.

I want to leave. To finally get away from it all.

_I'm a little rough around the edges_

_It takes me a while_

_To admit that I'm wrong_

_Some people say I'm lost_

_I'm searching for something_

_If you find it let me know_

_Or let me go_

But if I leave where would I go? Would I just wander? It actually didn't sound bad, I'd be free and I wouldn't have to see him every day, wouldn't constantly be searching. If he can't give me what I'm looking for I don't want anything to do with him.

I can't pretend I'm content with just being friends. I'm leaving. Tonight. I love the idea and I'm hoping I'll have the guts to go through with it, and maybe I will. It hurts too much.

I've been dreaming if I stay around he'll notice me. But it's time to wake up. He won't notice me.

_I don't know which way to go_

_I don't always know what the future holds_

_Not staying here I gotta go_

_I'm leaving _

_So tell me goodbye_

_Take my time_

_Cause I gotta find if it's right_

_Cause I'm dreaming my life away_

_And it's time to wake up. _

I wish I wasn't so timid as I step into the girls dormitories tonight. What will I tell my friends? Should I break it to them gently? I laugh at the thought. I've never been gentle. They know that. They learned that quickly. I smile at the thought of my first train ride.

**I step into an empty compartment and finally sit down, enjoying the quiet. But all too soon I get lonely, and I wish Al were here, or Teddy, or someone, anyone really.**

**I curl up on the seat and just as I'm about to fall asleep the door slides open. I open my eyes and see two girls; one with dark hair and eyes, but pale skin. I recognize her as Neville's daughter, Alice. I've never talked to her despite all the times we've met. The other girl I don't recognize. She has skin that's been tanned by hours in the sun, fine blond hair and dreamy blue eyes.**

**Alice smiles, "mind if we sit here?" I shake my head and finally sit up.**

"**This is Elizabeth Thomas. Lizzy, this is Lily." I smile and try to be kind even though I'm scared to death of talking. Eventually I overcome my shyness and when Dom comes in and starts a bet I break my silence and guess one more than Lizzy. They all stare when I speak, but soon were all joking and laughing together.**

**Later we see James and ask him how many times he's gotten detention. I was right. They all stare in disbelief as I collect my money.**

I step inside, sit down with the same three girls, in the same uniform, and they give me the same look of shock as I tell them I'm leaving and why.

Dom won't talk to me and Lizzy's crying but Alice understands and she looks at me with open mind and open heart as they help me pack up my stuff.

As I step into the dark corridor I don't let myself regret leaving them. I gave them a chance to tell me to stay, they didn't have the heart to stop me and my heart was too torn to stop myself.

_I'm a little shy_

_But wait till you know me_

_Just take me for a ride_

_It won't take you long_

_Look in my eyes_

_Is there something you see_

_If you want me let me know or let me go_

I almost make it without running into him, but he catches me at the gate. I wish I could throw myself into his arms like they do in all the muggle movies, but he still has a girlfriend and I'm still just Lily so instead I smile and simply say, "I'm sorry, I wish I'd told you." He looks at me like I'm crazy but it doesn't matter anymore.

_I don't know which way to go_

_I don't always know what the future holds_

_Not staying here I gotta go_

_I'm leaving _

_So tell me goodbye_

_Take my time_

_Cause I gotta find if it's right_

_Cause I'm dreaming my life away_

_And it's time to wake up. _

"Don't leave" he says and even though I have to go I can't watch him hurt.

"Don't worry, you'll see me around" I know he takes this to mean I'll be back soon and I don't correct him. If I do he'll never let me go.

I have all my money in my pocket and my bags are already on the other side of the gate so he doesn't know how permanent this is. I'll buy a ticket at the train station and as I climb the gate I wonder where I'll go. It doesn't matter, all that matters is getting away. Going as far away as possible.

_I don't belong here_

_So long_

_I'm not at home here_

_If I'm wrong_

_I'll take the first train_

_That's on its way_

_Back to where I'm from_

_But you'll never_

_I gotta take a chance_

_You gotta let me go_

_So let me go_

_Let me go_

I look back from the outside and watch him walk the first few steps.

Then, just inside his hearing range I whisper, "Goodbye Scorpius.

_I don't know which way to go_

_I don't always know what the future holds_

_Not staying here I gotta go_

_I'm leaving _

_So tell me goodbye_

_Take my time_

_Cause I gotta find if it's right_

_Cause I'm dreaming my life away_

_And it's time to wake up_

My heart aches as I get in the train, headed to Romania.

And as I sit there on my way to Uncle Charlie, I never stop crying. When I venture on to the streets of his small town I wish to see his face, I wish I'd told Scorpius the truth.

I wish he knew how much I love him.

Because really, the heartache will most likely never end.


End file.
